The wonderful gesture of the adoptive father

It is not always easy, the relationship between first parents and foster- or adoptive parents. Why and how, however, should not interest us today.

Because I’m happy to tell you a story that shows that there’s another way.
I heard it yesterday from a lady, I call her Petra, who attended one of my writing seminars.

Petra’s first father was dying, in the hospital, and here comes a wonderful sentence, followed by a wonderful action. Her adoptive father said to her, "Come on, let’s go there." And so they drove there. Both of them. Together. To say goodbye to her father, her first father.

Mind you, her adoptive father didn’t just say, “Feel free to go there!“, which would have been a nice gesture as well. Not natural, trust me.

How many adopted and foster children do not say goodbye to their first parents! Why? With the overwhelming majority out of loyalty to their parents, that is their adoptive or foster parents. The same goes with me: I didn’t want anything to do with my first father.
As I know today, out of loyalty to my parents. I didn’t want to hurt them. My father died, and I wasn’t with him! That makes me sad! Many adopted people say, “I’m looking for my first parents, as soon as my adoptive parents are dead.“ But the probability is high that the first parents are dead as well at that point.

Back to Petra. Even if her adoptive father had said, "Feel free to go there!" it would have done good to her. She would’ve driven there with his blessing. And that would have been worth an awful lot. As I said, we adoptees are consumed by conflicts of loyalty and grateful to have the blessing of our parents when we turn to our other parents (in both directions!).

No, her adopted father said, “Come on, let’s go there" He went with her. In Persian there is the wonderful expression „to go the same way", He made himself one with her. More confirmation is not possible! I don’t have the words to express how happy I was with Petra, when she told me this story.

I am convinced, no, I know it, because Petra confirmed it to me: This gesture of her adoptive father generated more closeness between them two than all his other efforts and endeavor for his daughter over the course of about 20 years combined. How beautiful! How beautiful!

“Come on, let’s go there!"